Flashback – Wedding Thoughts

Here’s a little flashback for you…

I guest blogged about wedding thoughts when I was 21 – and now I’m 24 & married! This is interesting to look back on. :) The good news? I made it through my wedding day anxiety-free (with a little medication).

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Lately I’ve been thinking, probably too much, about getting old(er)… and what comes along with it. Even though I’m only twenty-one years old, more times than not I feel old rather than young. It seems like everyday I get on Facebook, someone is newly engaged, married, pregnant, or a parent. Some of these people are close to my age, if not the same age. It’s just hard to wrap my mind around that we’re getting old enough for this. Or are we?

I almost feel numb to it because a lot of times it is out of order and just not the way it was intended to be (in my opinion). Too many times I feel like people are taking these stages of life way too lightly, which is why there is usually an unfortunate announcement of a divorce too.

Not to mention, there is always a Facebook ad about engagement rings trying to grab my attention. Is it because my status on FB says In a Relationship with Ryan Ray? And ’cause everyone else is doing it? Yeah, I’m sure a ring would look good on my finger too, but it’s so much more than that.

Because I’m in love with my boyfriend that I met four years ago, I’ve been noticing more inquiring minds lately… “Oooh…is he the one? Do you want to get married?” To my surprise, my own mother has even said a few things about it lately, being half-serious. I usually reply with something like, “Maaaybe just to make them wonder.

The pressure is building…

Honestly, I do hope to marry him. I’m not going to say it’s for sure until we’re engaged, because engagement is that commitment to marriage. I just don’t know when that will be and I don’t think Ryan knows either. We don’t really talk seriously about it (yet), but it’s fun to talk jokingly about with my friends. :) That’s just what girls do. We’ll know when the time is right, but for now it’s hard to say. A year, two years, three years? When he graduates? When I graduate (we’ll be old by then)? Or how about when we’re ready.

I could put it this way. If we were ready now, I’d say I do without looking back. I look forward to that time when I can be called a bride. Sometimes I have to remind myself I have a lot to work on to feel totally comfortable in that position. I think I have far too many self conscious/shy issues right now that are yet to be figured out.

I’m not your typical girl who has been planning my dream wedding since I was a little girl. The extent of my planning was playing that MASH game at sleepovers. Honestly, I think when that time comes I’ll be pretty dang clueless. I haven’t even been to that many weddings in my lifetime, especially in my young adult life! I’ve been a flower girl three times and a bridesmaid once. It amazes me that those brides on “Say Yes to the Dress” (show on TLC) walk in to the store knowing what kind of dress they want. Um, a white one? One thing is for sure, I’ll be leaving the men’s clothing up to my groom. Flowers, colors, decorations? Oh my!

Yep, that’s all I have to say about that.

Okay so what do I know? I won’t be a bridezilla. My flower girl will be my cousin’s daughter because I was my cousin’s flower girl and my cousin was my Mom’s flower girl.An outdoor wedding would be amazing in the spring or summer. My Dad has recently passed away and no one will take his place walking down the aisle. If I faint, someone better reach out to catch me.
Speaking of which, what worries me the most about my wedding day are nerves and anxiety. Last weekend, I went to visit my long-distance boyfriend for the first time in 2 months and my digestive system was not nice. It is a given that my chest will be all splotchy, but that will be the least of my problems. I will honest-to-goodness have to learn to some type of meditation before my wedding day or it will be very unpleasant for me. Sigh.

You’ve probably seen this video… how awesome would that be? To the song Tonight’s Gonna Be A Good Night? I would love love to have a choreographed dance or two for the reception.

And oh the honeymoon… Oh baby! (Not that kind of baby!) How about The Virgin Islands? I may or may not be choosing that destination because of the name. :)

The wedding is fun, but what about the marriage itself? I want to make sure I take enough time to prepare for the most important part, the life-long commitment that begins at the wedding.

It’s both scary and exciting that time is quickly passing me by and before I know it, I’ll be talking about the real deal.

One Response to Flashback – Wedding Thoughts

  1. travis May 2, 2013 at 7:14 pm #

    Oh M^2, I remember reading your blog back in the day! You even sent me your blog so I wouldn’t have to miss anything when I was at basic training! haha I just happened to see a link on facebook bringing me here. I must say you’ve came a long way in the past three years…this blog is pretty impressive! :) It sounds like you and Ryan are enjoying life, congratulations on your new house, and your pets!

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