FREEDOM!

The weight on my shoulders known as Spring Semester ’09 is gone!

I am officially finished with another semester! I LOVE the feeling of being done with a semester, especially the one right before summer. Freedom! Once again, I can’t believe how quickly the time goes, especially this past month. I can’t keep up!
Now I realized my “classification” is even more questionable. It was last year because I went into college from HS with enough credits to be a sophomore, so half the time I called myself a sophomore and other times a freshman. Now that I didn’t go last semester and this is only my third semester in college, am I still a sophomore, a junior, super junior or super sophomore?? Do those even exist? HAHA. Well all I know is I am still a junior by credits and I have completed three semesters and have MANY more to go I’m sure. OH and what about summer classes, do they affect your classification? So complicated, who cares anyway?!
By the way…. If someone would like to give me a cookie, I definitely achieved perfect attendance for the first time in my life!! It seems like I have always missed a lot of school, especially in HS. In fact, I was not eligible for A+ money because I missed too much school. So anyway that’s why I’m proud of myself this semester! Now, today I did miss cell biology lecture, but I did not have to go all this week because I am not taking the final. I was just going because I did pay for this education. Plus, I almost made it to class, but there was a tornado warning and I decided not to risk my life so I turned back around. So anyway, today’s cell lecture doesn’t count! :)
Another cool thing about this semester is that my finals week was not in my vocabulary! Finals week is officially next week, but all of mine were this week or last week. So this week was my last week of classes & last week of the semester! WOO!
Hopefully I got all A’s in my classes… the only questionable one is my philosophy grade– could be a B depending on how my professor feels when he grades my final. We’ll see.
If I’m this excited to be done with a semester, how am I going to react when I graduate?! Watch out, whenever and wherever that may be!

Update!

I’m happy because….

Flowers are blooming, leaves are beginning to appear, the grass is becoming green, the air is warm, it sounds like summer outside (frogs, birds)…. That means it’s spring!!! =)
My hip and I re-connected.
Tomorrow is my last class day of the week.
I might have amazing plans for spring break!! More to come on that topic.
My dad is feeling better.
There’s 1 month until AU’s Easter break.

I know I’m at the wrong college when….
People are playing beer pong on the roof. [Yes seriously, a regular slanted roof; they had a table up on the very top and they were playing beer pong. I saw this when I parked for my Education class. It was quite a sight to say at the least.]

I am thankful that my Grandma is still alive…
My 88 year old Grandma had Meckel’s Diverticulum, which caused intestinal obstruction last week. She thought she had the stomach flu, but it was lasting for several days and causing her severe pain. She called the doctor and they turned her down. My mom set up a nurse to come check on her and my Grandma turned her down. She went to a doctor for her hip and they were only concerned with her hip. Everything was against her it seemed. Finally, my mom had flowers delivered to her and my mom asked the florist to check on her when she delivered the flowers. The florist yelled from the kitchen and my Grandma did not respond (she was actually at the doctor at that time, but the florist didn’t know) so she called public safety. When my Grandma got home, a sheriff showed up and she threw up in the kitchen sink while he was there. I guess something concerned him enough that he thought she needed to go get checked out. So they called 911 and she got taken to the ER. That sheriff basically saved her life. If she wouldn’t have gone to the doctor’s within the next few days, she would’ve died. At the ER, they took x-rays and found out her intestines were twisted up. They sent her to a Kansas City hospital and they told her that she needed surgery. She refused it; she said she was ready to die. So they put tubes down her esophagus that sucked out infected fluids, hoping that it would help. The next day they realized it wouldn’t, and finally everyone convinced her to get surgery. During the surgery they realized she had Meckel’s Diverticulum, which is something she’s had since about 7 weeks after she was conceived. It’s a 2 inch “pouch” made of other types of tissue that is on the lower part of the small intestine wall. It only occurs in 2% of the population and it only causes problems in 5% of those people. If it does, it’s usually within the first few years of life and it’s usually in males. In other words, this is very rare for her case. So they successfully removed it and “untwisted” her intestines. She is doing good so far…well, besides tonight she was throwing up for some reason. I hope she is okay. She is a survivor!!!! In her old age she has had two car accidents, one almost taking her life after her lung collapsed, hip surgery this past October, and now this!

Well I am fighting to keep my eyes open so I’ll end this here. Good night!

Loneliness

Loneliness… one of the worst feelings I’ve ever met. It has been a main characteristic of my life the past 6 months. Absolutely way too long. It’s a hard feeling to describe, but almost like an emptiness and ache that makes my heart long for something. Friends. Ryan.


Please don’t get me wrong, I love my family and they are always here for me and I am here for them (my whole reason being in this situation). Sometimes they do help me forget about being lonely. I cherish the small amount of time I get to spend with a few people around here, but we are living such different lives and hardly find time to hang out. Especially when one of them lives a couple hours away in Springfield. I was ecstatic and blessed to be able to hang out with my friend from Indiana when he visited a week ago.

However, sometimes this just isn’t enough– to put it simply, I am realllly lonely. It keeps getting worse as the semester continues. I try to keep myself busy with homework to keep my mind off of it but my work load isn’t THAT bad. There are times, especially during the weekend, when it just overcomes me. It really kinda depresses me and wants me want the days to go by quickly. Yeah summer will be good with Ryan back, but summer will fly by and then what? I think I am in a lose-lose situation.
If I go back to AU (knowing that my dad is fine) it will never be the same after what my family has been through. Even if my dad is cancer free, I will still be really sad to be away from my family (especially 400 miles). Things will never be back to “normal.” It’s just so hard to explain unless you’re in the situation. So I could continue living at home, being with my family, but have a very limited social life. But another positive aspect is, it is way less stressful living at home than living on campus and truly living “the college life.” I don’t think I can do this though for much longer. This loneliness really gets to me. I need my best friends by my side, not over the internet or phone. Not just best friends, but friends! People! Interaction! Listen to me, the introvert, saying this. It’s true though. No matter if you are an introvert or extrovert, you need interaction with people. That is how God made us.
I don’t talk to anyone at S&T unless it’s in my labs when we have to work together. It’s not that I’m avoiding them, but it’s just not happening. I don’t exactly fit in there. I don’t have any partying stories to share with them nor would I want to hang out with them and get drunk on the weekends. Not saying that EVERY PERSON there is like that, but overall, sorry to say, yes they are. And how do I meet people anyway? I don’t live on campus; I go to class and come home. I’m a middle of the year transfer student. Kinda hard to jump right in, especially when the classes aren’t really small like at AU. People already have their “groups” and obviously aren’t very friendly. So making any decent friends there seems like a very small chance.
What would really be ideal is having my best friends and my family closer– not two states away from each other. However, that is not reality. I pray that God will show me where He wants me next fall and that I will embrace it.
Honestly, I just want to be done with college because I don’t think I’ll ever really like the any situation. I don’t want to wish my life away, but it depresses me thinking about having 2-3 more years of this unhappiness. I think I would only truly like it if I was married– but who knows if I really would?! Maybe it would be too stressful on a marriage and cause more problems. I know that I am not anywhere close to the word married, but sometimes I wish I was ready & married– so I would always have my best friend and husband by my side. So even if I quickly finished college by some means of magic, once again the question is, then what? Have a job and be lonely? Probably still not be close to marriage? Joy.

Cancer makes me angry. It has caused so much grief and suffering I can’t bare to think about it for very long. If I feel like this and I’m not even the one with the cancer, how do you think my dad feels??? Or my mom– his wife; sharing their life together, in joy and pain?!
SIGH.
Life is complicated. And hard –that’s for sure. I must put it all in God’s hands and lean on Him during these rough times.
If you read this, please pray for complete physical healing by March 11th, my dad’s next PET scan.

God and His word give me comfort.
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:2-4
God promises that in ALL THINGS He works for the good for those who love him. [Romans 8:28]
He has plans for us to prosper us and not to harm us, and give us HOPE and a future. [Jeremiah 29:11]
There are so many more. These are verses that many of us have heard multiple times, but they are SO meaningful if you take them to heart.

Hurry up Spring!!!

When there’s buds on the trees in February (in MO), is that called global warming? Just wondering.


Regardless, SPRING is almost here!! 6 more days of February, and then it’s March–sooo exciting! March holds the first day of spring, warmer weather, “spring forward,” spring break, St. Pat’s break. And not to mention, I’m getting really tired of my winter clothes. I honestly don’t think I can live in MO my whole life because winter depresses me. I hate it more each year. Why can’t AU be somewhere other than Indiana?!?! :-( Winter is so much longer there.

One reason why I’m super excited for warm weather is…FISHING!!! I can thank Ryan for my love of fishing.

Summer 2008…Fishing almost every night. I dunno about Ryan, but I never could get enough!! The sunset came too quickly and summer passed me by like never before.
This is really weird but a few weeks ago I used this soap in our house that we used last summer and the smell immediately brought me back to a summer night. It’s strange how smells can be so closely connected to memories.

The fish like my pigtails.

Little Prairie Lake in “our spot.” He’s cuuuute. (Ryan, not the fish)


My bff’s and I in my paddle boat on my birthday. Could it get any better?
… MISS THEM SO MUCH.