What a wonderful weekend basking in loneliness and boredom. I seriously could be depressed, or close to it, by the end of the semester. I honestly do not like weekends when I don’t have homework to fill my time. I can only sleep so much and then I have to face the day and the lovely circumstances. I could do something else to fill my time, by myself of course, but I have absolutely no motivation to do anything. It feels like it has been sucked out of me and I am just going through the motions of each day. There is some homework I could’ve worked on this weekend, but since there’s not very much urgency to it, I just sit and stare at it.
I just realized that I do not want spring break to come. That’s a long, boring, depressing week waiting to happen. How sad is that? Right now I’m fighting back tears and the knot in my throat. My stomach is growling (it is easily affected by my moods). Plus I need to eat. I want to crawl in a ball and sleep for a long, long time. The future looks soo dark and gloomy right now. I feel like life is NEVER going to get better even though I know that’s not true. It doesn’t really make sense, but I guess that means I haven’t lost ALL hope. I just don’t see anytime soon that it will get better.
I was very reluctant to write this post. I honestly don’t want to share this with other people because it’s really depressing. I have to get my feelings out though.
I don’t want to move. I want to crawl in bed, but I don’t want my mom asking me questions or feeling sorry for me. I want to hide from the world.