Proverbs 19:21

Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.

Proverbs 19:21

I found this verse right around the time I really needed it. It described my life better than I could. I think it fits everyone’s life at one time or another because we plan so many things, but sometimes those plans don’t fit in with what God has planned. His will and purposes for us overcome ours no matter how hard we fight it.

I had planned to go back to AU for the second year (Sept 2008), and I actually did go…but only for a few days. I was really dreading going back, but I didn’t really know why. I reluctantly packed up my things and headed on my way. Once I was in the car en route, I remember thinking…’Okay, this is it. I’m all packed up and on my way- no turning back now!’ It was almost a relief that I didn’t have to dread it anymore because I was actually going to be there. Well little did I know that just because you are moved in doesn’t mean you can’t turn back around and move out!
Nothing felt right from the time I entered Anderson. Things between Ryan and I were really weird (that’s another story but part of this one). It didn’t even feel real– more like I was in a nightmare. I felt so out of place and I could not hold back tears. I went out and bought food for my room, although I didn’t even feel like eating. I couldn’t sleep either. I went to two days of classes and couldn’t pay attention. I tried to push the feelings away and be like everyone else who was SO excited to be back.
Well I couldn’t hold the feelings in for much longer. I didn’t know what to do so first I talked to Ryan. It was at that point that I realized I could actually go back home. I thought it was quite ridiculous and I didn’t WANT to, but I felt like I was in the wrong place. I thought, ‘What will people think of me if I go back home?’ Ryan reminded me that the people at AU were some of the most understanding people I would ever meet and he was right. Also I won’t forget that he said, “Sometimes the right thing to do isn’t the easiest.” Later that night I was in a better mood after a worship service, and thought to myself, ‘I can do this. I can make it through this semester here.’ I talked to Nour about it that night and then prayed about it. I felt like I was being pulled in both directions.
The next day I once again felt like I couldn’t stay. After classes I went back to my room and cried. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me–I was actually angry at myself for being that way. I immediately went to my RD’s apartment to discuss this issue with her. I was so surprised at myself because I didn’t even think about it- I just went straight there. Usually I am very shy and would not do such a thing without thought. She wasn’t there at that moment so I had to wait until that evening. Between that time I talked to my cousin, my mom, and my roommate. I had almost made up my mind that I would go back home. Finally I got to talk to my resident director — I just explained that I felt like I shouldn’t be at AU and that feelings and bad memories with my dad’s health were coming back. At that time, my dad’s last PET scan had showed no cancer, but we thought he had Bell’s Palsy. She completely understood why I would want to be at home with my family and she prayed with me. That night I packed all of my things back up after JUST unpacking them a few days before. I had made my decision. [Thank you Nour for putting up with my obnoxious crying.]
The next afternoon my RD & I had a meeting with the Dean of Students about withdrawing from classes. He asked me to explain why I wanted to withdraw and I started crying right away. I was thankful that my RD was there with me to help me explain. I felt really embarrassed that I couldn’t hold back tears, but I think they understood. I signed the ‘complete withdraw’ slip and he prayed with me. [Afterward he said God told him I would come back. Whether he was just saying that or not, I don’t know. But I hope it’s true.]

I left that evening. Even though I felt like I was making the right choice, it was so hard to leave my friends and boyfriend. I wasn’t sure if I would have regrets. Plus, the next day I would find out that my goodbye to Ryan meant a little more than just a physical goodbye.

Well, a day later Ryan and I broke up. And about a week later, we found out that my dad didn’t have Bell’s Palsy– his cancer was recurring in his parotid gland. Even though the circumstances were awful, I felt at peace with my decision to go back home. When I was in Anderson trying to make the decision, I didn’t really have a good explanation. But I finally figured out later that God had sent me back home!!! I was so thankful that I listened to God and was where He wanted me to be. The next couple of months proved to be the hardest part of my life thus far. However, I became closer to God than ever before.

AU versus S&T

I started classes at S&T this week. Made it through the first two days, woo! It will be mid semester before I know it, right? After today I’m feeling a little intimidated and stressed, but it will all be alright. I just have to convince myself of that. I forget to take school day by day so I get a little stressed.

For all you AU people out there, don’t lose appreciation for certain aspects of AU. Let me explain.

AU vs S&T:
1) It was weird and gross to see people smoking on campus. Thanks for the second hand smoke while I walk to class.
2) I miss the close relationship that bio majors have among each other and having only about 12 people in my bio class. Now I have 40-50.
3) I miss the “Christian based” education. Such as professors actually bringing God into the subject material, praying, or talking about their faith.
4) When giving brief introductions about ourselves, it was so weird to hear a few people talking about their alcoholic lifestyle.
5) I miss the friendliness of people at AU.
6) $35 dollars for a parking permit is cheap compared to $65 for EACH parking lot.

I’m sure the list will continue since I’ve already figured this out in 2 days. I’ll probably start missing chapel soon. lol, or maybe the Haven…NOT!

P.S. > I miss my friends soo much. And Ryan lots.

Embarrassing Story

I start classes at S&T in TWO DAYS! I don’t think it has hit me quite yet. I’m very nervous!!! I would rather just start right now and get that initial “I don’t exactly know what to expect” out of the way.

Anyway the other day I went around and found all my classrooms, which helps to ease my anxiety. Some people may not do that, but I have a very embarrassing story that I would prefer not to repeat again..

I was on my way to class (Botany) during the beginning of the Spring 08 semester at AU. I believe it was the first or second week of classes; it wasn’t the first day. This girl and I were both getting there at the same time and I followed her in. We were sitting there for a few minutes and began wondering why one one was coming in. We were the only ones in there, no other students and no professor. Once it hit the time for class to actually start we were quite confused! We waited a couple more minutes then headed up to the lab to see if we were supposed to meet there instead. It was empty. We even checked a few classrooms around there. We checked our email to see if we missed a “Class Cancelled” email. We thought that’s what might’ve happened since both of our last names started with “M.” Maybe he skipped us on accident. We were completely puzzled! Did class get cancelled and we didn’t hear about it? Are they playing a mean trick on us? Then we began to wonder if we were in a nightmare, ha. It was such a strange feeling! Anyway I ended up texting a few people who were in our class to try to figure this out. I texted my friend Travis, “Where are you?” and he replied.. “In class, where are you?!?” We were thinking, ‘WHAT! We were just there and waited and no one showed up.’ I didn’t want to say that because I felt so stupid so I said “what classroom?” I believe he replied with the number of the one we were waiting in. Then he realized they were in the classroom next to it and he had said the wrong number.
MYSTERY SOLVED! WE WERE ONE CLASSROOM OFF! We accidently went into the wrong one because it looked almost the same. Why we didn’t check the classroom right next to us, I have no idea! I had also noticed that the desks seemed different than the first time I was in there but I ignored that observation.
WE FELT SO STUPID AND EMBARRASSED! Well, by this time, we were NOT going to show up to class 30 minutes late so we headed back to our dorms to hide in embarrassment. We both ended up emailing the professor explaining that we were not slackers, but not very smart…

First blog!

Well I’ve been blogging on Xanga but I discovered Blogspot and decided I might like it better. We’ll see how it goes. I start at Missouri S&T in a week! I took this past semester off (wasn’t in my plans, but God’s) and now I am transferring to S&T from AU. However, I hope to return to AU if things go well at home within the next year or so. I am majoring in biology, but after substitute teaching this semester I think I might add a secondary education major to that. But then get certified for elementary because I don’t want to teach middle or high school. It’s just the easiest way to go so I can still major in Biology. Otherwise I would be double majoring in El Ed and Biology. Biology & Secondary Ed are complementary majors. I’m not for sure if I want to teach!! But this is my plan for now. I also want to do something with nutrition and psychology, but I don’t know how that will work out. Hmm. Anyway, this upcoming semester I am taking Microbiology, Cell Biology, Educ 40 (it’s the first Ed class), and then another class that I’m not for sure on yet. I’m very nervous!! First off, I won’t know anyone and I’m really shy; not a good combination. Also, it will probably consume my life just like last year. I’m also afraid of how I will handle/balance the stress of school and the issues at home with my dad. Yikes. Ready or not, it will be here in a week.