I haven’t felt very “bloggy” lately. (Have I mentioned I like that word?) What I mean is… I’ve wanted to blog, but I can’t think of much and I’m not satisfied with what I do write. I read other blogs and feel jealous that I can’t think of something like that. It’s hard for me to get back into blogging after I don’t put a lot into it for a few weeks (like when Ryan was here, but I’d rather have him any day over good blogging.) It would also help if I had a more interesting life to write about… sitting here at my house and going back and forth to class does not amount to much.
Random thoughts from blogging to God
So here’s all I’ve got right now…
I do have something significant to share… I made my very first Etsy purchase tonight! It’s a good one too. If you haven’t heard of Gussy, you must change that now! Go to the Gussy Etsy shop here. Can you guess which one I bought?
When I make up my mind, I’m also going to make a long-overdue purchase from this awesome Etsy shop. (Thanks Mrs. Haid, I found it under your Etsy favorites!) I’m really embarrassed to say I’ve been using the same purse for OVER a year. I’ve been looking.. but I am indecisive (shocking). Also, very picky about purses. Not a good combination.
On another note, I tried Passion Flower extract for anxiety, and I think it’s going to work! It’s still a little early to tell, but last night I felt anxious and it worked almost immediately after taking it. I took 30 drops in 1 oz of water two times yesterday and once this morning. Now I’m wondering.. why didn’t I try this sooner?!
Classes also went better today (it’s hard to tell if it’s from the passion flower/prayer/or if I just felt better). However, I do have the start of a cold sore breakout so my body must be stressed.
I found out something interesting about my Genetics class. There is no pre-requestite for it.. only “a pulse and tuition” as my professor said. Which means some students in it have never taken a biology class. About half the class is engineering/another science major other than bio. Hmm… odd!
Speaking of anxiety… I had my fourth therapy session last week, but I didn’t blog about it. We talked about my Mom and then Ryan (and me). It was too personal to blog about… and also there wouldn’t be too much to say. It more so made me think… a lot.
I left her office feeling both at peace and overwhelmed. But most notably, I felt God’s presence in my life. A few things almost made sense for a second. It was awesome to say at the least. I felt at peace with my decision about staying here this semester… and my counselor agreed. She said this is a very fragile time for me and even though the situation with my Mom isn’t the best, it’s best to be here for now. Grief is a scary thing when you really think about it. Most of the time I’m really angry or sad with my Mom, but sometimes I feel scared for her. She’s so lost right now and she doesn’t realize it. She has become emotionally dependent on her new boyfriend and her so called “happiness” is rooted in him. When she isn’t with him, she is usually grouchy.
When we started talking about Ryan and me, I know without a doubt God was talking through her. The conversation kind of scared me and it made me realize how we’re not yet ready for marriage. She is right when she said I need to be really careful of who I marry. She made it clear she does not mean anything bad against Ryan in saying that.. but she knows me very well (yes, only in four hours of talking) and thus knows how sensitive I am. I don’t really know how to put all these thoughts into words… But I do know life is so complex! Whew. I feel like I have extra awareness of all this stuff. It makes me feel overwhelmed. But then I remember that I’m not alone and God is in control. It’s ultimately in His hands.
It also reminded me that I have so much more to learn about God and that I long to be closer to Him. So what’s a better way than starting with His Word? One of my New Year’s Resolutions…
That’s right, the whole Bible in one year! It sounds like a lot, but it only takes 15 minutes a day. I’ve been really bad about opening up my Bible lately and I know that when I did in the past, it truly changed my day-to-day life. So having a goal and a specific part of the Bible to read each day will really help. I’m beyond ready to grow in my faith and my relationship with God.