Today marks 6 months since my Dad’s passing in August. I didn’t write anything on 5 months because when I wrote the 4 months post it sent me into depression for the night.
My anxiety is at its worst thus far, and perhaps my depression is manifesting itself as anxiety. I probably cry much easier about this than before, well, that is I would if I didn’t avoid situations and thoughts that would cause tears like I do. However, I cry in my frequent nightmares/dreams about him being sick and I am obviously holding a lot of thoughts and feelings inside.
Thoughts of the last few weeks of his life still continue to replay in my mind and I still can’t believe this happened to me. I don’t think I will ever be able to fully comprehend it. Even if I’m staring reality straight in the face, and if I can accept it, I still can’t grasp its depth. I’ll never forget when it hit me in my history class last semester that God’s chosen always have to suffer. My Aunt Marcie said he was chosen, but I never put it all together. I may never understand why, but I do believe my Dad was chosen.
One of my Dad’s friends from work wrote this awesome poem in memory of him. I don’t think anyone could have portrayed a better description of his life at work than he did in these words below. Thank you, Matt, for this true glimpse into the life and heart of my Dad. It truly means so much to me to have this as another way of remembering him and reflecting on his life. The words are so powerfully written that when I read it, I feel as though he is still right here with us.
Now here’s a man
With a motto of “Do It Right”
He’s got a project plan
That’s polished stainless steel bright
Mounted on steed, his faithful blue truck
Build me a billion dollar facility
With a budget of a buck
Now that’s ingenuity
Fearless in the face of our CVD foes
Tossed in the wilds of a PhD’s throes
Took a brave stand
Still standing, integrity at hand
Got to communicate the latest engineering news
To the Big Guy, Mike Matthews
Got to make sure we do this project right
Or the whole process will be a futile plight
I wish HazMatt would lighten my load
I’m tired of all this safety code
Can’t he see I’m busy planning this elevator?
And my next mustang endeavor?
Nothing wrong with a little fun, a beer and a smile
Why not stop by and stay awhile?
I love my family
It’s my priority
Did you ever notice something about Rick?
Did it slip past you?
No smoke, no mirrors, no trick
Something more serious and true
Some said he didn’t fit in the Brewer Science family
But I’d say their compass led them astray
He was all about personal freedom and creativity
Dr. B founded the company in this way
Did you see how he set up his life?
He could speak his mind, no matter the cost
Did you see how he lived his life?
With his personal integrity, never lost
In this day and age, that’s no easy trick
Unless, of course, you are a spiritual Maverick
So I do humbly pray
To walk with that part of him, every day