Therapy: Part 1

On Thursday morning, I had my first counseling appointment that my Aunt set up for me with my permission. I was kind of nervous and anxious because I didn’t know what to expect, but as soon as I got there my nerves were eased.

She’s a sweet older lady, who happens to also have a theology degree and incorporated faith in the conversation the whole time! I was so glad because I couldn’t imagine being counseled without God in the picture.

I wondered how she would begin the appointment. She started it by asking about my family- immediate, aunts and uncles, grandparents… their ages, causes and age of the ones who have passed, my relationship with them…etc, and the conversation kinda went from there. Also, she asked about my spiritual life.

She asked how my family was dealing with the grief of my Dad passing and I explained how we are grieving separately. She stated exactly how I felt, “It feels as if I have lost both of my parents.” Yes. Not only that, but my family.

Strangely enough, she made me feel normal. She complimented me a lot, saying how I was very wise and mature. She said something like, “I’m not sure that you should have to pay me!” It made me feel good, but I told her I didn’t know how to fix my own problems. Obviously, that’s why I was there, but she said I seemed overall mentally healthy. I also explained how I don’t think “what ifs” about my Dad’s disease and passing, and I just accept that God had a reason for it all. She said that shows that I have a lot of trust in God.

I explained more of my situation, but we didn’t get too in depth about it yet. She encouraged me to step out and try to meet Christians on campus through some type of organization. Also, she said I just have to face my fears and she brought up the scripture about God not giving us the spirit of fear.

She said only Jesus can heal my broken heart from losing a parent and it will take a while. No denying that.

I wished the hour-long appointment was longer. It ended too quickly but I’m going back on Tuesday. She gave me an “assignment” for next time — to hand write a letter to my Dad, explaining how life has changed since he has passed. I’ve yet to do that since I’ve been in Indiana this weekend.

I’m hoping for the best! I’ll be writing about the other appointments as they come.

Organized rambling

Currently I am trying to think of a caption for this photo to be entered into the Birthday: Her Way Hallmark card contest. By the way, this picture shows you exactly what I went through every single birthday. That’s my brother trying to steal my birthday wish. And that’s my Dad, saving the day. :)

Since I’m thinking about that and also blogging, I’m obviously avoiding the massive amount of studying I have left to do for my killer history test for Thursday. However, it’s hard to avoid this oncoming cold sore on my mouth. I wonder why a cold sore or a huge zit always appears when I’m about to see Ryan. Speaking of him, I am getting pretty dang excited because this upcoming weekend I am going to see my bffs in the North! I mean, Indiana. Sorry, but I have the North Pole on my mind since I hear a clatter on the roof. It’s not Santa and his reindeer though, just some roofers finishing up their job. Although I am kind of excited about Christmas. :) I know it’s only the beginning of November, but for some reason I am already excited about the holiday season. It’s not really too early to be thinking about it because I promise you it will be here in a flash. Especially when I think of it this way… I only have 2 weeks of classes + 1 week of Thanksgiving break + 2 weeks of classes + 1 final… and then Christmas will be shortly after! Where did time go? Not that I currently care to know because the closer it is to Christmas, the closer Ryan is to being home. Well, only for a short time, but long enough to feel teased about being in a close-distance relationship. Or maybe, just maybe, it will become the new normal and we can take long-distance out of our vocabulary. (Well, besides when we talk about being long-distance from our family when we move to Florida. EEEK, hurry up and graduate, Ryan!) You know what I don’t like though? It’s all up to me whether we are long-distance for the next year. Ahh, the pressure. I hate this major decision that no one else can make but me. A decision that makes me feel like a bad girlfriend because it seems obvious that I wouldn’t hesitate to live close my boyfriend. But it’s just not that easy. But you could call me indecisive and I’d say you are right. If we weren’t long-distance right now, I’d be so ecstatic to be having a 4-day weekend right now. Well, besides the fact he’s not even in Indiana right now. But you know what I mean. He’s been in West Virginia this weekend, playing drums with the John Tibbs band at a state youth convention. You can find their music on iTunes now, incase you want to contribute to my engagement ring fund check it out. I was only kidding about buying it for that reason, I promise. That’s just a bonus. But if you want to get their autograph or something, I might be able to make that happen. Well, the drummer’s at least. I can even forge Ryan’s signature pretty well, if I do say so myself. His signature is much more fun to write than mine. Mine is boring, even though I do like my name. Perhaps I can just sign it [M]^2 and call it good. I think I better call this blog post good and get motivated for history studying. My motivation? It’s one step closer to being in his arms. <3

{ But it’s okay if you distract me and comment about anything random you’d like. In fact, I’d encourage it. I just love reading comments. Thanks in advance. :) }