Is it sad when your dreams are more eventful and blog-worthy than real life?

Just wondering.

Friday night I had several nightmares that woke me up each time, with the last one being Ryan breaking up with me. By that point I had enough and decided to give up on sleeping peacefully! Not to mention, I woke up sweating at one point (I later found out my Mom turned on the heat for the first time) and my covers and sheets were twisted up like a cyclone. So, although 9 AM was kind of early for a Saturday, it was necessary.

My other nightmares were something involving ghosts and me finding out I was pregnant. I had yet another one where I somehow ended up in a roller coaster (the type where your feet dangle), but I woke up like 2 seconds into the ride because there’s some rule where you can’t die in your dreams. And that’s what would’ve happened. Did I ever mention I would never ride a roller coaster for any ridiculously large amount of money? Trust me, it wouldn’t be worth it because my life would end right there from a heart attack. The other dream I remember, which happened to be borderline dream/nightmare, was that I had to go back to elementary school as a student. It was strange. Wow, seems like a lot of REM for just 8 hours!

On Friday night, I had dream after dream after dream after dream (which makes sense because I slept 12 hours), but now I barely remember them. Dreams easily slip away from your memory. I do remember my Dad was in one, and the sad part about it is he’s been sick in every dream I’ve had about him lately. I want to remember him as healthy and dream about him as healthy!!!

The night before I had a dream that I visited AU and saw Nour & Ryan! Then my alarm clock rudely interrupted before we could even hang out. Is it sad that I have more of a social life in my dreams? Yep.

If I were to tell you about my real life Friday and Saturday nights, I would say that on Friday night I ate dinner with my Mom and her friend at Sybill’s and then I watched TV, like Oprah that I DVR’d. Is it just me or is it a powerful feeling to fast-forward through commercials?The show was about her “favorite families” and there were some awesome stories, like quads that were conceived naturally and were all identical! And I’d also like to note that I have a (new) expensive and unhealthy addiction to Sybill’s sweet potato fries. I don’t know the nutrition facts but if I did, would I stop eating them? I would also recommend their $3.00 Blueberry Pomegranate Iced Tea, that is if you want to become addicted. If you’re smart, you’ll never try their Chocolate Lava Cake.

On Saturday night I studied for a geography quiz and almost completed a take-home test for an education class. Although it was incredibly nerdy, I feel accomplished. During the day I had a lunch date with my Mom and two of my Aunts at Simply Irresistible and then I helped my Mom choose wallpaper for our kitchen and bathrooms. There are some hideous wall paper designs out there– more so than good ones in my opinion. I’m not really a big wallpaper fan, but I agreed on some.

Today I went to Church and then went out to lunch to catch up with my FMIL Ryan’s Mom! I’m just kidding, Ryan wouldn’t marry me. ;) The rest of the day will bring the last of my homework and a birthday dinner of Alex’s Pizza for my Grandpa (My Dad’s Father).

So whether or not any of that I just said was blog-worthy, it’s my life!

Distance makes dreams and pictures a tease.



May I say this again? Waking up early everyday is a rough life.

Especially when you’re not accustomed to it and when your time awake is greater than your time spent asleep. In my world, that equals exhaustion.

I’ve been dizzy for the past few weeks. Is that a symptom of exhaustion? If not, it must be from loving Ryan in circles. I wonder if you can find that on WebMD.

Last night I was past tired– I should’ve gone to bed at 6 pm. It started to make me feel really strange and just, not so well. As I laid in my bed, I watched the show I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant. (Incase you didn’t know, it’s true stories about women who don’t know they are pregnant until they go into labor.) I also started to get the horrible feeling of a UTI coming on. I was afraid to pee again, and I started thinking about having to go to Urgent Care and how bad that would suck. Then I thought, What if when I go to the Dr’s, they take a urine sample and find out I am pregnant? And I don’t really have a UTI, but I just have to pee a lot because I am pregnant? Or both? And my mom just took maternal care off our health insurance, what will we do?! …..

Hello, back to reality. I practice abstinence. And if I didn’t, which I honestly do, I practice another thing called long-distance.

Why do I tell you this? To show you just how tired I was and in the process, embarrass myself sharing my hypochondriacal, illusional thought process.

I ended up calming my thoughts and bladder, turned off the TV, and went to sleep at 8:50 PM. I am very thankful for the 10 hours of sleep that left me feeling refreshed this morning.

But now I’ve been awake for 14 hours and I must get some sleep for tomorrow.

Oh how I love Fridays. And Ryan. Better yet, Fridays WITH Ryan… sweet dreams.

My 21st

It’s my birthday and I’ll cry if I want to God gave me a peace so great I smiled instead. (Although I didn’t wear make-up just incase)

I’m now twenty-one and getting older by the second! Eeek! Unlike many 21-year-olds, I did not have 21 shots, or several drinks, or even a sip of alcohol. That’s just not my thing.

However, like other 21-year-olds, I will get my license renewed since it is now EXPIRED!

My birthday events were pretty much unplanned. I woke up around 11 AM ( I was soo drained and tired from the previous day, I probably could’ve slept longer), hung out in my PJ’s for a while, showered and went out to my Aunt & Uncle’s with my family & Ryan. We fished for about 10 minutes (I just didn’t really feel like fishing, shock!), ate some ribs, got a surprise ice cream cake!!! (YUM, there’s still some leftover), opened cards, and came home.
At home, we had a dance party.. well I sat back and watched, lol. I opened my presents from Ryan, which was everything I needed to finish my TV setup. In other words, I can now sit on my bed with my wireless keyboard and mouse and use my TV screen as a computer monitor. He’s encouraging laziness and up-to-date technology. He also bought me a cute shirt I can wear while doing this. lol. We all went to bed really late, like 2 AM. I was so exhausted and I still am because I didn’t get umm, 12 hours of sleep. :)

I know my Dad was with us in spirit the whole day, laughing at our crazy car ride to Rolla. Being stuck in the car with my brother is, wow, something you don’t really want to experience… hence why we avoided family road trips at all costs.

Darah, Ryan and I stuck in the backseat.

My cousin Darah and me

Sweet cards

It’s my B-Day and I can wear silly pins if I want to, right? My Dad wore this on his 50th birthday this past May. :)

One last thing to note…
Why is it so dang awkward when people sing Happy Birthday to you?

Friday? I have my days mixed up.

Praise God… My Dad’s procedure went fine yesterday. Now we’re praying it quickly heals and his infection clears up. It was a stressful day, but it turned out as planned and I even made it to Zumba on time. Then I came home, showered, watched TV, and crashed.

We have been researching and the next step: we’re going to buy Immunocal and start him on that to kill cancer. It’s a protein that raises the levels of glutathione. It was recommended by a doctor who treats cancer patients, and is booked up with appointments for 3 months. Also, we are taking him to a Naturopath in Columbia in a week to help us out.

I can’t believe how nice it is today. 70 degrees in July?! Amazing. And supposedly another repeat day tomorrow. I’m sitting outside writing this right now. I’ll show you via Photobooth:

(Tons of people have asked me if my hair is naturally curly, like the lady at the post office today.)

Oh and just for fun.. I’ll show you a picture of me fishing for catfish the other day, taken by the professional himself.

People are coming and going everywhere. Ryan left yesterday to make his way to Indy and then West Virginia. He’ll be back in like 2 weeks or less. Tomorrow my Aunt is planning on heading back to California and my cousin is coming in from Florida. Should be good!

Today I printed out my blog posts for the first time to send to my friend Travis. It was 13-ish pages long with some condensing and size 12 font. Little did I know I was writing that much on here!

It turns out that my revised FAFSA with special circumstances included is not going to cover all costs. I won’t be eligible for Pell grants anymore. Bummer.

Yesterday, I started the book Praise Habit by David Crowder. I’ve only read two short chapters and I love it already. In fact, I could already relate on the first page..

Tragedy always comes. If it hasn’t come for you, it will. Not the losing-your-homework kind or the having-to-flush-your-goldfish kind, but the kind that leaves you stripped. The kind that tears from you all the ideas about living you once believed untearable. Mine came my junior year of college, and it came in a phone call.

[Mine came right alongside my first year of college, and slowly stripped us piece by piece until one day we were in the middle of Hell on Earth. I’ve thought a lot about tragedy. Now that it has struck, I fear it coming again. It messes with your mind in almost every way possible.]

College is hard enough without something detonating in the middle of it. It is a pivotal moment. Your values encounter other values in classrooms and textbooks. Your faith is on trial inside libraries and laboratories.

[Seriously, I am robbed of my college years and this will forever have an impact on my life. You can’t understand unless you’ve been through it.]

But God will see us through it. He will not leave us nor forsake us. The battle is His, not ours. And He always works all things together for the good.

Complete the thought…

My ex ….

is pretty much my boyfriend.

I should learn to….

entertain myself.

I love….


People would say that I am…..


I don’t understand….

what God has planned right now.

When I wake up in the morning….

morning? what’s that?

I lost…

some of my joy.

Life is….

full of pain.

My past taught me….

a lot about relationships.

I get annoyed when….

I can’t fall asleep easily.

Parties are….

stereotypically for drinking.

I wish….

that I didn’t have so many wishes.

Dogs and cats….

shed too much to be inside.

My childhood pets….

hardly have a place in my memory.

is just another day.

I have a low tolerance for…


If I had a million dollars….

do I really know what I would do?

I’m terrified of….

too many things.

I’ve come to realize….

that I kinda forgot what “normal” life used to be like.

I am listening to….

my TV in the background.

I talk…

to myself sometimes.

My best friend(s)…

are all in different states right now.

My first kiss….

with Ryan was like a fairy-tale.


never fails.

Marriage is….
beautiful the way God intended it to be.

Somewhere, someone is ….

having a baby. (I told you I watch too many baby shows)

I’ll always be….

shorter than most others.

The last time I really cried was….

sometime in the Spring semester.

My cell phone….

is always kept on vibrate for some reason. I’m weird.

Before I go to bed….

I pray.

My middle name…
is unique and I love it.

Right now, I am thinking….
how I miss him.

Today I….

was looking on my old Xanga and laughing at comments.

I really want to….

visit Florida.

My relationship with my parents….

is close-knit.

My favorite pictures….

were just posted on my blog.

I sing….

in my car, alone, so no one can hear.

If I were a crayon….

I wouldn’t be the sharpest one in the box.

Someday I want to travel…

to beautiful islands.

I am wearing….

A blank cami, a white skirt.

My favorite class….

thus far in my college career were Gen Psych and Cell Bio.

It hurts….
to watch a loved one suffer.

I need…

a new beginning.