The moment I’ve been dreading is over.
Over all too quick, as summer flew right past me leaving me no time to soak in a ray of its sunshine. Summertime was far out of my reach because there were other things in front of me. I may have seen a glimpse of it out of the corner of my eye, but that was probably just a dream. This glimpse called summer has never escaped me like it has this time around. There just aren’t any words for this surreal feeling. It feels like it left me behind, with no sympathy or care for my feelings. It has nothing to leave me but the first feelings of autumn.
I would say that in my situation it’s nothing but normal because my summer was in no way ideal. When I reflect back on this summer, I see a whirlwind of images and thoughts of my Dad holding on and fighting against a broken body, until he couldn’t fight any longer. And throughout the whole summer, a blur of family and friends among our presence and intermittent memories of Ryan by my side. When Ryan was here, we were mostly just spending what precious time we had with each other. We hardly have any big fish stories, because it sure wasn’t a fishy summer. I didn’t touch a swimming pool, nor travel far from my home. My skin shows no sign of sun, nor did I smell the sweet smell of sunscreen. Summertime activities were nothing but a distant memory of summers before now. But there was no where more important than my Dad’s side when he needed love and help in his time of need. Bittersweet last moments together float through my mind.
I didn’t picture my summer happening this way.
And it ended with the inevitable goodbye. I knew it was coming, but I didn’t think it would be here already. I tried to ignore it until its close presence could no longer be ignored and was evident in my distant-like self. Last night I said my tearful goodbyes to Ryan and today he’s moving back into AU. Did I ever tell you I do not like goodbyes? I do love hellos though, which will hopefully be sooner than later.
Today marked the first day of the 2009 fall semester. It’s always a sigh of relief to get the first awkward days of class out of the way, for me anyway. That way I feel comfortable knowing the location of the class, what the professor is like, and an overall view of the class. I didn’t know until last week that I would be in the classroom again so soon. God knew all along, heh. These moments are as surreal as any other in the past few months. Wasn’t I just completing the spring semester?
Sigh. I cannot keep up.
I would say goodbye to you, summer, but I didn’t really get to know you. Next year, no excuses.
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